Get REAL!

Just confirmed my place with LSE. That's it! It's final, confirmed. I'm Goooooing. It's like a committment. More likely, they want to guarantee that you'll be bringing the money with you, so it's sort of like a contract. The London schools are the LEAST friendly, all the other unis have been sending stuffs regularly to lure you and give you more information about their school but all the London schools care about is to ensure that you're perfectly aware of the costs and have every evidence to prove that you can afford it. (What a put off and i'm still going there! The irony, what to do, for the sake of prestige) My father has been telling me all about SAFETY in big cities and i can't help but feel that he's more worried about it than me. Fathers are especially protective of their daughters i think. I'm really looking forward but a little scared at the same time, anyway it's still a long time away so not thinking too much, somehow it seems unreal that i'm going to be so far away from home, friends, everything and leading a life i can't even imagine!

I'm still JOBLESS. Bad bad bad. Hope the UOB thing works out fine!

I think guys who can swim freestyle and have broad shoulders are so cool! SO masculine! *gush*

Fixed Instructor

On Crystal's advice, i've fixed Mr. Raphael Chua for my next( hopefully last EVER) 2 lessons... Yes, i coughed up more, but since he is so good as Crystal attests to and it guarantees that i won't get mute, useless instructors, i sure hope he can work miracles and pump some confidence.

$213.20

Yeap... that's how much i spent AGAIN on driving test. For the 3rd time... enough is enough. And i'm getting freaked out because the more times you retake the test, the lower your confidence. If you go beyond like 3 times, It's really difficult it becomes a burden, takes a toll on you mentally, financially, physically. Need a job now... recommendations any? Easy way to make money besides tuition?

BORED bored bored

Ah... I'm so bored. No one's at home and i've been sitting infront of the computer the whole morning surfing around and guess who i stumbled upon? Mah Bow Tan's son... So strange right? Maybe i should play tennis? But those 2 girls are playing at *gasp* Jurong!!! Good for venting frustration you know... smashing balls. To go or not to go? Jurong... Jurong... Gee.

Okae set, my test is on 6th June. Only 1 revision lesson on that day itself, I hope i won't forget how to drive by then... Yucks.. i shudder at saying that word. And please please don't let me get THAT mute instructor, he is so unhelpful, feel as if i'm paying 60 bucks just for vehicle rental. Maybe if i fail again... i should like beg the tester... " Please Sir! I realise my mistake, it was my fault and i know i wouldnt have committed it under the usual circumstances, my instructors told me that my driving is okae but i don't know why i fumble during the test. " If all else fails - kneel and beg " Please Sir! I'm leaving in July for further studies(bluff abit lah, no harm right) and i really need to get my license before i leave, otherwise i have to wait until 3 years later and this is already my third attempt!"

Yeah, as you can see, i'm so bored that i end up imagining these kind of scenarios.

It's so funny how i've been repeating the whole "saga" on how i committed that immediate failure mistake for the 100th time. Should just take a tape recorder and play it to whoever wants to find out about how i failed. My parents are highly amused that i'm still harping on it after a whole day. I was thinking of possibilities of getting round the test, such as bribing the tester but i'm afraid he'll give me... Immediate failure for *gasp* bribery! Anyway, there have been cases of people who have been banned from taking the driving test for 2 years for attempted bribery, but that was a looong time ago, in the era when they took their tests.

My mouth is all dry from talking and yakking non-stop.

Oh... how i wish to tell everyone " I PASSED! " . Full stop, end of story and i can put this whole driving episode behind me. When? Just when? Who can guarantee i will pass on 3rd try? I told my father or rather he suggested staying over at the driving school if i still didn't pass on 3rd attempt, you know too ashamed to come home.

Oops... i did it again

Well, you can guess the outcome of the test from the title right. I am in distress mode now! Damn sad, one wrong turn and that was IT. Can't believe i was so blind not to see the car coming, what was i thinking?? One immediate failure... bye bye! Accumulated 22 points and the tester said he would have let me pass if not for that IMMediate failure, who else to blame but myself right. Man, i was trying my best to be vigilant, even wore a hairband to prevent my hair from blocking my sideview( you know what happened on first try, got accused of not checking vehicles on side road ). Think i was too happy that the circuit was so empty (only the cars on test were using it) that i wasn't alert enough. Still, i FAILED! I really hate to hear that word. Strange things happen when you're sitting for your test somehow, it's so demoralising. And i won't forget that big fat lexus who refused to give way to me on the road, just kept speeding up and i ended up having to change lane abruptly, stupid big car. I propose putting the double L plates on top of the car, sort of like an ambulance siren so the whole world can see that this fella's on TEST so give WAY and stay AWAY.

Let's see, i've gone from being confident for my first test(silly amateur) to feeling really nervous ( like today when i LSed before the test). So what will my state be for the next test? I could very well picture failing again, what's surprising? Afterall, i failed twice! What if i get a sickening tester for my third time, i'll just faint and die lah! This really sucks, where in the world does it get harder to earn a driving license? I look at the MANY MANY cars on the road and i'm still in disbelief that all these people actually had to go through so much to get a driving license. I got a good test route, fine weather, okae tester, okae traffic but the determining factor was myself and i FAILED. I hate driving now. It's just so much easier to fail than to pass. Maybe i shouldnt complain so much, afterall, i spoke to ppl in my session who've failed like 4 times and are still optimistic acout passing, this aunty who has taken 50 auto lessons and here i am whining like a sore loser. Out of the about 10 ppl in my session, only 2 people passed, that's so pathetic. And this guy whom i thought passed because he came out of the room all smiling actually failed, i should learn from him right and take it with a pinch of salt.

So, i went for retail therapy with my mother though i was in a really foul mood. I realise that it's a bigger mistake to go for retail therapy when all the clothes that you see suck. We saw Diana Ser, she's really puny, i think James Lye can crush her up with his fists. Haha. Ended up buying underwear, i strongly recommend wacoal for all less well-endowed ladies, they just fit the asian frame better... hee hee. And then i indulged in a really strange combination of foods, madelenes( dont know how it is spelt, it's just this English kueh balu ) with dried mangoes, downed with chicken essence. I just wanted to drown my "sorrows".

My parents don't seem to be affected by it. But i'm spending so much of their money! Feeling really guilty for my incompetence. How ?... i can really imagine failing again and again, i could go on forever failing! No, i Must get a job and stop bumming around at home, stop thinking about driving and start doing something productive. Shiping are you back? Let's look for a job together! And Meilin, if you're going to quit anytime soon, we can go job hunting together!

There's alot of TV to watch tonight, starting from 8pm... yay, something to distract me from the fact that i have FAILED yet again. Such a disappointment.

Blah

All i can think of now is how i'm going to tackle the driving test tomorrow. I wish all the vehicles and people would clear out of the road, man i wish the driving school was at some GHOST Town! Then i won't have to worry about causing other vehicles to take evasive action or slow in responding to danger (mainly vehicles and pedestrains). This bad feeling REFUSES to go away! So sick of driving in the circuit, going through all the test routes.. it's just frustrating and i wish tomorrow will be the LAST ever! Cross fingers, cross toes, cross legs and please pray that i don't get the same tester ( he doesn't like my face i'm sure of it! ).

Oh did i mention that i saw Xiao Fen ( LinXiangPing) at PS filming some show, that was before the 9 oclock show ended and i was almost tempted to ask her "Xiao Fen, why must you die?". Yeah, i think she's the most innocent! Anyway, she was really good at PR, doing that Queen Elizabeth wave and "hello" thing. Haha, and then i saw Thomas Ong and May Phua when i was with Mich and Huilin at Victoria Theatre watching "It takes 2"- which by the way is a really good show! Thomas Ong was trying to act cool or something, he had this little goatee and his hand was like resting under his chin, you know that kind of pose which shows that you're really bored. He is really tall, more than 1.8m and he looks much better in person. He seemed emotionless when i called his name( obviously he heard! we were so close! ), anyway i didn't call his name to get his attention, i was trying to call huilin to come see, that was when the funniest thing happened, we were both calling Mich to come and see and she was asking us to go over because she saw Koh Chieng Mun!

Yawn, it's a nice rainy day, perfect afternoon for sleeping but i can't sleep. I think i'm enjoying my lifestyle so much it'll be hard to imagine myself doing anything else. Enjoying minimum 8 hours of sleep a night, watching TV every night like nobody's business without having to drag myself to do tutorials, shopping whenever i feel like it. Almost like a queen's lifestyle, just without the royalty. Hmm, eating ice cream alone at home ( my mother's sleeping, so i'm home alone) on a rainy day is strangely satisfying. Yum.

Nothing much

I have this really bad feeling that i'm going to fail my driving test again! Choy! All my instructor said today was : Watch out at the traffic junction and release your clutch slowly when moving off. That's all. How helpful feedback! My driving wasn't that good, just didn't feel very right and that's all the feedback he could give me. Yawn, i almost fell asleep at the wheels and knocked someone down. Bad omen right! I could have been given an immediate failure for that! I must learn to OPEN my tiny eyes bigger and there is only one more lesson to practise tomorrow. Oh no... Really don't want to fail again!

I was in the car with my mother turning left when this bright blue audi convertible suddenly reversed into our view very fast, i was quite pissed but all was forgiven when i saw the person inside the car( oops, haha :) , this damn macho guy driving TOPLESS! ( He looks like John Travolta of the 1970s, obviously the comparison came from my mother! ) I guess he reversed because he realised he drove out of his house topless! Anyway, i'm now on the look out for his car whenever i pass by and i do wish he'd drive around topless more often. Haha ;)

Seek is sick!

I'm insanely mad! I just failed my driving test! So much for learning driving from the school to up chances of passing on first attempt. After the warm-up, i was pretty confident of passing cos the instructor said my driving was good, no major mistakes everything smooth. And then the test started, inside the circuit was fine except for directional change when i went very near the kerb( can't believe it, never faced this problem before! Why? Why? Why? ). But i didnt' strike the kerb and he gave me 14 points just for that, 10 points for striking and 4 for failing to confirm safety. The worst parts were on the road, he said i was a poor driver because i failed to look our for traffic at the side road, change gear too slowly, poor steering, road hogging ( absolute rubbish, just because i didn't keep left cos there was this car parked at the bus stop and it was somewhat in the left lane so i chose to keep left only after the car and that's considered road Hogging?!?! ) For failing to look out for traffic from side road, he awarded me a mighty 12 points, i was really boiling already. I remember scoring only 16 points when i went for my revision lesson... this is ridiculous, absurd and INJUSTICE ( high pitch scream ). I had such high hopes of passing, only to be crushed by this gniao tester.

Yes, his name is Seek. In light of the recent cases of defamation, hopefully no one from the school sees this. Argh, i'm so pissed! Damn, we're so at the mercy of these testers. Now, i have to generously donate more money to the driving school and the traffic police. The only consolation is that Meilin ( thank goodness she still works there) can help me get another test date on 18 May. And if i still can't pass then, watch out for me in the papers - " Girl,19, slays Traffic police tester on failure of 2nd driving test".

I did it!

Yes, i finally ran! Such a chore getting my butt off the chair to run. It was such a painful run, i ran till my ear drums hurt. No idea how that happened but i felt as if i lost 5 kg after that run but of course it was useless cos i indulged in my everlasting favourite Tip Top curry puffs, otah, Haagen Dazs icecream, oh by the way, Haagen Dazs is having an offer now, either 2 for $21.90 from Esso Mobil Petrol Kiosk( they stock up an amazing number of flavours compared to supermarkets) or 3 for $25.90 at Cold Storage (flavours are pretty limited to tiramisu, vanilla, chocolate(boring flavours) ) The only time it's worth it to buy Haagen Dazs is when they have offers, else $12.90 for a pint is a little ouch*.

Today is Mothers' Day! ( I'm such a horrible girl, how can food take precedence over Mothers' Day! oops) My mum is one strange one, she dislikes presents (almost close to hating). And flowers are her worst enemies, she'll scream if we buy her flowers. She likes to buy them for herself ( although fake ones) but never if we buy them for her. Can't remember how many times we've been rejected by her so we decided not to get anything this year. And, she appears the happiest. I remember us preparing breakfast for Mothers' Day some years back, armed with flowers( we bought the smallest bouquet in the hope that she'll like it but still she didn't, anw..) and a song session- this chinese song called kan nan xin which my younger sis played on the piano accompanied by my croaking voice-you know how i "can" sing. It was such a hilarious sight, even have the photos (shudders). The breakfast was horrible, the sausage was way too salty, the egg too mushy, the potatoes tasteless. It was bad! But of course my mother said it wasn't too bad for our maiden cooking experience ( imagine how sad she must be that all 3 of her girls can't even prepare anything decent! ).

My mother is also my best friend, i can talk to her about everything and anything at any time and no one understands me more than my mother! She's always open to discussion about anything, gives my sisters and i what we want most of the time, and always very encouraging and always giving good advice and she cooks a mean dish of almost everything from chicken curry, to fried beehoon, to chicken rice to raisin rice to sambal brinjal to pasta to all her different kinds of chillies to brownies to banana and butter cakes. I love her more than anything else in the world and when i leave this September, it's going to be the hardest to part with her :(

In other news, i've booked accomodation for hostel, and please i hope Julie goes too ( that will be if she doesn't get into medicine, no, i'm not praying that she doesn't get into med! Let's just say i hope she decides that Econs is more suitable for her, until then we'll just have to wait and see) Then we can share a room which will be more fun :) It's scary to think that i'm still not absolutely certain where studying Econs will lead me to ( how ironic considering that i couldn't cope with Econs at first and resorted to tuition ) but i think it'll be better than studying engineering here. When i look at the NUS brochures, i wonder if i've made the right choice What's so bad about studying here anyway? It's going to be more comfortable on everyone and it's not as if i won't get the chance to study overseas, i could take my Masters overseas. But no point thinking about all these now because i've made up my mind. And i will never know which would have been the better choice because i'm not going to be able to experience both worlds. Too much thoughts for my head.

I need food. Lunch time!

I really did want to get my excercise routine up and running but it's not just a simple matter of changing into your track shoes and taking off. On Saturday, I was feeling a little (okae, maybe very) lazy so i decided to give myself a little leeway since well, it's just the BEGINNING! So i procrastinated... bad move. Sunday evening it started raining ( weather man's finally accurate), too bad, i mean not that i didn't want to run, heaven just wasn't kind. And Labour Day, went out with my family till late, you see again it's not my fault! There, it was wrong not to run on Saturday and things just didn't work out after that. Procrastination is bad... but i might just do it again! HAHA.

The weather these days is BAD. Scorching hot. I just want to hide at home, and from what i heard, it's not about to let up till end of May. Sometimes, the weather just makes me want to get out of Singapore!