Unpolished Gem

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

How come work life not so simple!

There is something very liberating about not being at work on a weekday. No rush hour on the tube to deal with, no waiting for lunch hour, no pretending to be busy clicking away at the screen, no waiting for time to pass faster.

I often question myself how it is possible to think that the industry is right for me when 10 months after joining, you still feel like an amateur and dare I say it- disengaged at work already. Yes, the merger created uncertainty but how much of the discontment can you put on it? 80%? 60%? 10%? Could it also be that they think they’ve hired the wrong person for the job and therefore not looked into my development. Surely if they think you’ve got potential they would want to teach you quickly but that has been sorely lacking on the job in this organization so far. Or could it be they sense that my life-span with the company is pretty short so no point wasting their time training me. But it’s not like working in the Singapore office would lose them anything! So many “could it be’s” and no one can answer me truthfully!!

Slightly disappointed with the lack of structure on the training crucial for someone inexperienced! Came in with high hopes, ran on a high for 3-4 months and stagnant for far too long. They don’t pass on responsibility, they don’t teach you (unless you ask questions), they can do without you. What are these signs of? Being side-lined surely! You wonder why they hired you in the first place!

There is a positive side of me hoping that my big break would come somewhere a bit further down the line and my personal deadline is 6 months from now. Afterall, that is after training by my senior colleagues in the back-up team (tell me why this wasn’t done way earlier?) which should provide me with sufficient technical ability to take on more responsibility. Hey, at least you made your voice heard so you can say you did try to make things work! The ideal situation, as I’ve been telling my friends, is to hopefully make the best of the next 6 months and then get a transfer back to the Singapore office. But that is only if 1) there is a vacancy for me (not necessarily a broking role) and 2) London allows a transfer that soon! My aim is to be back within the next 1 year and if my company can’t grant me this opportunity, it’ll be bye bye London, hello Singapore!

Things to miss about this job if I do quit are the relationships formed with my colleagues in both the London and Singapore office. Also, the face to face interaction with a range of different people outside the office makes it less mundane than being strictly desk bound.

Life in London feels like a dream which can be nice at times but ultimately transient! That’s the kind of place London is for me. I can leave tomorrow and all will be good! Can’t bear the thought of being away from my family and friends for that much longer and missing out on the happenings in their lives! Come next year, it’ll be 5 years away from home! Seen everything I want to see in London and travelled to numerous places already. It’s time to go home soon! In the meantime, try to enjoy London as much as possible!

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