A year ago, I wasn’t even contemplating going overseas cos I was so adamant about not spending my parents’ money, knowing my chances of getting a scholarship were low (which proved to be the case anyways). Still, spurred on by my mother, I applied, got into the school I wanted and a year on, I’m on my way to fulfilling the innermost desire tucked secretly in a quiet corner of my heart since secondary school days.

It’s a bright Sunday morning, like any other, we went out for breakfast at Sinming coffee shop, enjoying the food, bickering with my sister about the confusion of Kaya toast orders (only butter, only kaya, French loaf or soft bread options etc) And then it sank in, there wouldn’t be many more of these Sundays left.

We reached home and in typical fashion, my younger sis and I hogged the papers. My mother went about doing her business (as in toilet). My father washes the car, I finish reading the papers, I vacuum the floor, fold the clothes with my Ah-ma. I step out and see my 2 sisters reading the papers, my father in his cap, my mother and grandmother busy with groceries and my dog chasing a housefly. I couldn’t stand it, I went upstairs to my room and teared and cried.

Through teary eyes, I saw my family, my friends (though not many but each one I hold dear) and I know I’m going to miss them like crazy. I wish I could meet up with all of you every week but it’s not possible cos u guys are so busy with school. I’m just much more thankful and appreciative of the time we spend together as “The day” draws closer. That kinda comfort level we have established is something I will miss terribly, something so precious.

I’ve been quite an emotional wreck since the LSE camp, not in a bad way, just that the reality of leaving just whacked me on the face. Sure, I enjoyed myself very very much during the camp! It was a simple camp but we bonded and it achieved its objective. The people are really genuinely nice, smart and easy to talk to, the seniors are really nice and I’m way looking forward to going to London, making all those trips that I’ve been dreaming about.

But I’m leaving all of your behind. Last time, people asked me if I’m okae with leaving all my friends and family behind, and I’d just give vague answers like yeah, I should be fine. But now, I realize it’s so hard to let go, so hard!

It’s ironic how I seldom talk to David, but when I talked to him yesterday at class gathering about leaving for LSE, he told me very seriously that I’m really very fortunate because my parents can afford to send me there. Struck me right to the core, like BAM! Probably cos of the timing, been waiting for almost an entire year to start school that I’ve forgotten that yes, I’m a much luckier girl than most people. Circumstances have changed; I’ll be out in less than a month, back in 10months time. Things really start getting to you.

I’m not going to waste their money, I’m going to study hard, make the most of this invaluable experience which they themselves never got to taste, make them proud I will. There’s no turning back now, I’ve never regretted for a single moment ever since I made the decision (except perhaps for a short time after the London bombings, the thought is still unsettling and chilling) because my parents were and still are and forever will be supporting me. How can I ever thank them enough?

To my dearest friends, I wanna be stuck to you guys forever like LEECH! Ah, this is getting depressing. Forgive me! Next time you see me, I’ll be back to my OLD self again. Away with pre-departure blues. Yuck!

Writer’s note: This entry was actually written( as in really hand written, ha) on Sunday(28-8) when I was feeling wretched and bad… now that I’m typing it, it sounds cringey! See, I can be a very sensitive person but these usually come in short spurts that dissipate quickly. But I’m feeling fine now! Just that one month suddenly seems so short and I have so many things to do.